Nyarie drove me to the Sydney airport so I could get my flight to London on that October 2018 morning. All I can remember and even taste in my mouth until now is the fear; the anxiety – of not knowing whether I was making the right decision to leave Australia for a year to travel on a cruise ship as a Holistic Health Coach/Personal Trainer. I was a bag of nerves as I unloaded my one big case, medium carry on and handbag through check in – stuffed with what was to accompany me ahead.
I was looking forward to seeing one of my best friends that I’d been close to for nearly 20 years – Maria – and her family, but I was also somewhat ashamed and afraid of what they would think of me as I just wasn’t that Teu that they knew anymore...that I knew… after having gone through a barrage of events like separation from my husband and dad’s passing away within a year. Heck, I don’t think I had even fully dealt with my mum’s passing away many years before! I have dealt with it now though.
There was a big hole in my heart. I think I was never really taught how to deal with my emotions in a helpful way, through no one’s fault – it was just that way. And I think some of us walk around projecting and dealing with certain events in ways that aren’t particularly useful or nourishing because that’s all we know; our cultures cultivate it and the grown folks around us are none the wiser. A subject for another blog me thinks! 🙂
Despite all of that, I made it through to sitting on the plane for the next 21 hours in between transit in Hong Kong. As I waited to check in in Sydney and then Hong Kong, I then told some family and friends that I was heading to London to train at a Fitness and Business Academy, but not that I was joining a cruise ship as I needed to process it myself first plus I had to actually pass whilst at the Academy before I could join any cruise ship!
After 38 whole years on this planet, I made a completely selfish decision which was solely for ME and it felt wonderful and at the same time – I felt guilty because I hadn’t yet learnt what it is to truly treasure yourself. If you can’t make yourself happy in the first instance and are focused on people pleasing – then life won’t be so pretty boo. I finally learnt to undo that.
And in itself people pleasing can be seen as being selfish because you are focused on not making it out like you are “the bad guy”, instead you want to be the angel. Now I’m OK with not being seen as perfect or any other term you want to use to describe me as a pleasing human being. And that’s OK.
This story has a shining light weaving through it though because as I write this blog – I have now found my light and it shines brighter than I ever knew!! Eureka!!
Anyway, I finally arrived in London – hot, sweaty, tired and seriously jetlagged! I think Maria was shocked to see me because she could tell in my eyes that I wasn’t really the same and that the bright light in my eyes was fading (I never gave up hope that my light was there – my bulb just needed polishing a bit). For the first time in my life, I felt hopeless and couldn’t motivate or pick myself up the way I did then for thousands of people worldwide through my work. Over the next few weeks, whilst staying with my best friend Maria – phenomenal transitions started to occur in my spirit and my soul.
The first time when I felt a shift was during many of the long conversations that I had with Maria about life in that first week. I began to have hope in my spirit that I might be alright after all , as I headed to the cruise ship and also to start to realise that even if I didn’t join the ship – I would STILL be alright.
I also felt it in those beautiful moments I spent with Maria’s 2 daughters – my nieces. They made me smile and I loved spending time with them. In those times, I learnt to find the fun side of me – of Aunty Tee as they called me. My creativity started to come alive again. So I spent many moments starting to adore exercise again; lost in my art with Maria’s daughters: recording fun exercise videos with them; continuing to build up Fitness To A Tee through my online coaching programs; recording Facebook live videos; and I loved getting up early to make Neema (Maria’s eldest daughter) any of my smoothies.
I even managed to publish my first recipe book on Amazon Kindle right from Maria’s lounge room sofa. Yes! I love my laptop lifestyle :)!
I found joy in the small things!
The second massive shift was through God himself, although arguably He was already speaking to me through Maria and those closest to me – telling me that He was still there! This amazing shift happened during all the times I spent at Maria’s church in Windsor – Kings Church International.
I spent time there going to Sunday service, a small women’s prayer group once per week and I also went to an amazing Women’s Conference which absolutely changed my life as it dealt a lot on healing; and God’s immense love for us…for me. In those times I started to know truly for myself again that I had been through some THANGS lol; that it was ok; that I was certainly going to use those times to help others heal and transition too and that it was MY time to heal and to grow. This was just another stage.
As my sister Eden says, ‘a healer cannot hide’. Here I am…ready to be used to shine a light into your life in whatever way.
Keep walking with me in my next blog journey as I go to the Fitness & Business Academy in London to qualify further in the Wellness Field so I could become an International Personal Trainer/Holistic Coach working on a 5 star Luxury world cruise ship.
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